The “Imposter” that stole Christmas
All my life, I have struggled with imposter syndrome. Growing up, I was always the youngest, the tallest, the scrawniest, and then my adult years took me to new places where I constantly felt out of place and never thought I was qualified to be included.
Imposter syndrome, this crippling, overwhelming and suffocating feeling, has always held me in a chokehold, having me settle for less than I deserve. “If I let this opportunity go, I will never find another like it”, I subconsciously tell myself, and so I cling on to situations, people and things that do not serve me.
The worst part is that in managing this feeling, I learnt to find solace in disappointment, because that is what I believed I deserve. I stopped trying to grow. I was ready to give up at the slightest inconvenience, because maybe I didn’t deserve any better.
Until I tried.
One day, I just decided to go for it; go for the opportunities my head told me I could never be qualified for, take the first step towards achieving the goals I had talked myself out of, hold myself to the highest standards that I was not sure I could live up to.
I tried and guess what? I failed. But this time I decided to try again.
This is how I started to grow. I started to love myself and I learnt to take it easy on myself. No matter what the outcome is, I have learnt that I need to try. I need to fail fast and fail forward. I am made for greatness, so my failures will be great, but then, so will my successes.
PS: I have always hated Christmas because while everyone around me is being merry and winding down after a long year, for me it signifies the end of yet another year where I haven’t achieved the goals I set for myself at the start of the year.
I have decided I am going to look forward to this Christmas, because if there is one thing I have achieved this year, it is that I have learnt a lot. I have been bold and daring. I have tried and failed. I may be an imposter, but at least now, I know who I am and who I am not.
If you are reading this, this is your sign to take that leap of faith.
Moyo Olisa,
Mentorship Manager,
Tony Elumelu Foundation.
Join our list
Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.